Soul Carving

Most of my life, I've felt like I've been trying to figure something out -- trying to meet someone's expectations of me, or prove something to someone. Though, just what I'm trying to prove, what the expectations are, or who stipulates what success looks like has always been rather ambiguous and fluid. You can imagine, this produces an amount of anxiety; It's difficult to relax when you're constantly on the lookout for signs of nondescript success. What was it I was supposed to be doing again? If I take this route, will I miss it entirely? What exactly is "it"? Do I lose points for time?  These types of insecurities can quickly drain the motivation and joy right out of you. It's like you're on the clock, but you've missed the memo containing your job description. You're scared to move forward in case you're heading in the wrong direction. You keep yourself in check any time you feel the inclination toward spontaneity, or pleasur...

    Remember how Richard and I celebrated the completion of my statistics class ? Well, I've still got my nose to the grindstone, now with an online American Heritage class. (More about that later). I've got 2 more years to earn my bachelor's degree.      Most people's eyes grow big when they learn about the class I'm taking. " And you're homeschooling, and  leading the Young Women program?" I think they mean to sound complimentary, but it always strikes me as a bit odd. No one ever makes a big deal about the fact that I wake up every morning, and  get dressed, and change 2 diapers, and  manage to finish breakfast before lunchtime rolls around. Not that they should. It's just a part of life, you know - a result of hundreds of small choices made over time, accumulating in a unique personal experience. Nothing extraordinary about that.     Or is there?         Think about it. While I'm guilty of enjoying the fl...

          We discovered a wonderful park, hemmed in by the regal mountains on one side  and an inviting creek trail on the other.        It was a beautiful day, filled with so many of the things I love. And it seemed Heaven agreed. Just look at the love note I found waiting for me along the trail. . .      I believe we all receive love notes along our way, though sometimes they're not as easy to spot. But I think I'll keep a sharper lookout from now on. On those days when nothing seems to go as I've planned, I'll open my eyes to the many coincidences that have taken place. A favorite song that comes on the radio at just that moment when I'm feeling I've been stuffed in the car too long. A murmured "thank you" from a grateful child when I thought no one had noti...